Purple Chakra Saturday
It’s my brother’s birthday. He is 31, married with 2 kids and has intentions of having more. He is very conscious of the steps he is taking in life. He loves having a family. He is planting seeds and watching them grow. He is a farmer.
By contrast, I am a gypsy. I have traveled from city to city, planting seeds haphazardly, never sticking around to watch the seeds grow, always forgetting what I have left behind me…I am sitting on the floor of an airport watching kids, mothers, fathers, retired people walking to and from their destinations to visit this person, that person…doesn’t look much like a business traveling type of a day. It is Saturday.
I am thinking of the Planetary Citizen and that he is a gypsy, too…with ADD. People have swished in and out of our lives. We are the main characters and everyone else is just an extra. Bonds are tight for a while but then they loosen as we travel…right?
He warned me that with ADD, he suffers from “out of sight, out of mind” syndrome, but reassured me that his heart is different and keeps him connected. He always returns.
I spoke to him on 1-11-11. We were both excited for the connection, but without regular mental and physical interraction, none of it is real…right? I am sure he feels the same…and so he is becoming an idealized lover in my mind, the way the Mexican was when we were long-distance lovers. When I tried the real thing with the Artist, I was never happy because he was always going out with other people and expected me to do everything, from cooking and cleaning to finding us apartments to buying a car. Although, I remember that he cooked occasionally. And I had the courage to tell him that he was in charge of maintaining our truck since I had no interest in cars. I like trains and buses and taxi cabs and an occasional rental car. I spent four years planting seeds with the Artist and when I asked for children, he said no. When I asked for marriage he said no. I loved him so I stayed until two people came along and told me I didn’t have to be in a relationship that was not fulfilling me. I stayed with them for 5 months. They were friends who helped me get out of an unbalanced relationship. Even though the Artist and I loved each other, I would not have been able to manifest my destiny.
Then I tried with the Marketer and even though he was attentive and generous, and I planted seeds for four years, he didn’t want to get married and have kids either.
I am neither here nor there yet I am everywhere and in between. Syncing up my life and feelings with another human being doesn’t seem to come naturally for me. Maybe it doesn’t for anyone and they just make a point to work at it rather than just throwing in the towel like I do. Or do I?
Perhaps I want to leave the FACTory for the same reasons. I am not syncing up with my co-workers. I am fighting them. Why am I fighting? Why can’t I just go to work and do as I am told? Why is this so hard for me? Isn’t my paycheck enough to get over my bad attitude?
Yes. I am thankful, God, for my job. I work in a corner office with a window. I have the ability to be creative sometimes. I answer to an insecure woman.
OK. Scratch. This is the problem. I am done absorbing the insecure and fearful energy of my boss. I love her, just like I love everyone, so I keep trying to make peace by recognizing the lessons she is teaching me – patience, how to make myself more confident, setting boundaries – instead of feeling angry and unappreciated. But those last two emotions keep overshadowing my light.
This is why I am leaving the FACTory. I know this is an “all or nothing” mentality. What I really want is to weave in and weave out of different farms on which I have planted many seeds. Just because I turn my back or tend to another farm doesn’t mean the seed isn’t growing. Watching a seed 24-7 makes no sense. The seed needs space, time and sun to grow in its own time.
Orange Chakra Tuesday
I have been containing the water in my second chakra all day. If not I would have lost it yet again with my boss. She is such an awful manager, I do not have any qualms about giving notice. I don’t want it to be an emotional parting, though. I am doing my best to meet my goals and cut the bullshit. She is so unsupportive and always puts the blame on everyone else but herself. I did my best to contain my frustration and convert it into proactivity. She and the Mama’s Boy are a lethal team, I hope they find what they are looking for in the next phase of the mess they created. I got what I needed and it is time for me to move to the next stage. Can I do this without being bitter? Yes. If I know I am going somewhere better, then I can survive…perhaps even thrive. I am attending the Worldwatch conference tomorrow, meeting with the High Femmebot Thursday night and Louise Diamond Friday morning. By the end of the week I will know better which way to turn.
As much as I would like to make lemonade from this job, because I am making exactly the salary I need, it is sucking away all my positive energy. No matter how many positive things I do, whenever I make mistakes my boss gives no patience, no guidance, just irritation…or is this myself? Probably…and my co-workers are just mirroring me.
Yellow Chakra Wednesday
January 19, 2011 – Deputy Secretary Kathleen Merrigan of the US Department of Agriculture joined researchers from the Worldwatch Institute to present a new publication, “Innovations that Nourish the Planet” to a packed room of journalists and NGOs at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace building in Washington, DC.
The event was live streamed at Worldwatch Institute.com (look for link).
“Things are getting worse,” said Christopher Flavin. “We’re seeing a second spike. 20 years ago Africa got 10% food from imports…up to 12% now.”
Reducing hunger does not have to compromise agricultural goals.
Nourishing the Planet
Gates Foundation a major funder
Deputy Secretary Kathleen Merrigan, US Department of Agriculture
Global wheat prices are high but production is at all-time high. Rice is at record levels.
Global food production needs to increase 70% by 2050 to meet population.
Each year 1 million suffer from chronic hunger.
“Obama has designated Food security as one of 3 top priorities for the administration,” said Merrigan. This Was a neglected issue for a while.
Things are getting worse but Merrigan says there is a lot that is being done.
Overview of State of the World – Danielle Nierenberg, Worldwatch researcher for a decade.
“We wondered How can we get young people interested in rejuvenating and cultivating the land,” said Edward Mukibi, co-founder and project coordinator of Developing Innovations in School Cultivation (DISC), Uganda
Taught children How to make compost, how to cook food
“We are using theater for policy advocacy because it gets the whole community engaged through song and dance,” said Sithembile Ndema of Food and Natural Resources Policy Analysis Network (FANRPAN) in Malawi and Mozambique, funded by Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
Stephanie Hanson, director of Policy and Outreach, One Acre Fund
Works with 32,000 small holder farmers in Kenya to access fertilizer with loans. There are 400 field officers who provide training on composting, helping farmers link up with local traders. 100% increase and repaying their loans at 99% rate.
David Beckman, president, Bread for the World. Bread.org
Women on the Edge
Catherine Alston, World Cocoa Foundation
President Millenium Institute
“We should stop writing reports. Who is reading them?”
“food is too cheap in this country. I’ve never seen someone throw away something they value.”
“We have to start thinking in systems. This is the new paradigm.”
Investment in agricultural R&D can’t just come from private sector. We have seen the result of this. Not just 7 companies can own the seed (and these are all related companies).
Makes reference to Facebook farming game.
Green Chakra Thursday
Back in the office. I am all heart. Nothing can touch me. As soon as I get to the office I try to solve a Drupal problem. I have to do it before my core web team meeting so I can be confident. I need them to support me, not heckle me. The cms they chose for me to manage is not easy. But I have the ability to learn it with time and patience. None of my web team members have the time nor the patience to do what I am doing, nor do they appreciate the amount of energy and effort it takes. This is why I resent them. But I have to let this resentment go if I am to do my job and build my confidence. So I do. And I am able to solve the problem in one hour. I am able to jump up and down and feel positive before the meeting rather than unprepared and fearful of my team’s negative energy. I am able to take their nit picky feedback and incorporate their ideas into the training.
Blue Chakra Friday
It is now the end of the week. Time to connect the dots. From Tuesday to Wednesday, my entire perspective shifted from a negative, swirling K hole to a shining beacon of hallleeeeluuuha!
Why? Because I wouldn’t be going to the FACTory. Instead, I woke up at 6am and headed to Qualia to work on Elastic.
This is Gysela Myami live and direct at The Urban Ashram in Washington, DC. Today, we are soooooooo luckeeee to have an authentic socialist communist capitalist activist poet weaving thru our esteemed life path after many adventures thru New York, Spain, Afghanistan, France, Morocco, Colombia and our very own
Welcome to the Capitol of Power, konichiwaacool!!!!
Thank you, thank u, Gysela, so honored to be here on the 6th floor of your gentrification monstrositeeee….bust into a rhyme…
My mama always told me, If you eat so much rice, you’re gonna turn Chinese!
Every summer I used to get so tan, my tia would say, “Nena, if you get any darker we’re gonna send you to live next door.”
And so one day, my tan got so deep, I got to hang with the black kids next door who opened my Menudo-listening, black beans and rice fed self to…
Dag, titi, thanks so much for the ol skule education!
And thus began my journey as a chameleon or rather CULTURE VULTURE….horror music
She will suck the culture right out of you and turn it into bad pop music.
Play La Isla Bonita
And now some political commentary from Angello Pizzzzzzazarrrrooo…
White Chakra Sunday
It has been an amazing 5 days. And that’s all I have to say.
Red Chakra Monday
Planting my feet back on the ground after 24 hours of flying.
“We’re going to kill each other!” I exclaimed after the third time.