Fake News: Stop Being Fake and Unlikeable

Femmebot 6.0: Welcome to The Fake News. Today we have a special guest for Throwback Thursday #TBT: Maria La Gata, straight from the Green-Wood cemetery of Brooklyn, New York! Welcome, Maria La Gata!

Maria La Gata: Pa’ Carajo!

Femmebot 6.0: Maria, should we stay independent? Or become a state? It’s not clear which way to go. 

Femmebot 2.0: Ay, no importa. Poquito de eto, poquito de eso – una mescla de –

Femmebot 3.0: No. Absolutely NOT. We’ve had friends with benefits status for 100 years, I hate that set-up. No commitment. One foot out, one foot kinda in –

Femmebot 4.0: Marriage, ie code for statehood, helps people become more strategic, more responsible and more oriented toward the long-term rather than just having a good time in the present. They accumulate wealth and adopt a more long-term orientation toward their financial well-being –

Maria La Gata: Bueno – yo siempre voy estar una Independentista en mi corazon…pero la realidad es que los estados unidos y Puerto Rico han estado jodiendo desde 1898 – mas que cien anos. No soy una mujer tradicional, pero hora es el momento de casarse.

Femmebot 6.0: According to the HuffPost, there are 5 reasons Puerto Rico won’t become the 51st state.

Maria La Gata: Pa carajo, HuffPost caca. Esta funcionando por Hawaii…y es una isla en mitad del marrrrrrrrr, pendejooooooo.

Femmebot 2.0: Pero expensive hurricanes don’t hit Hawaii with the same frequency as Puerto Rico.

Maria La Gata: Pa carajo! Los volcans y terremotos pueden demolizar toda las islas de Hawaii! Y sin embargo…el cambio climatico afecta a TODO el mundo, estupida robot.

Femmebot 2.0: Ay, OK, wow, I’m your child’s child’s child! Cojelo con take it easy.

Femmebot 6.0: According to the Interwebz, some of the benefits of statehood are –

Femmebot 3.0: Taxation WITH representation. $10 billion per year in federal funds, the right to vote in presidential elections, higher Social Security and Medicare benefits, and a right for its government agencies and municipalities to file for bankruptcy.

Femmebot 2.0: Pero statehood would lead to a loss of culture –

Femmebot 3.0: Says the Femmebot with a swishy accent in Planet MyAmi.

Femmebot 4.0: IRL, statehood would cure Puerto Rico’s otherwise precarious borderline personality symptom of weak identity.

Femmebot 3.0: Exactly. Instead of being kinda part of the US, it would indeed be officially be part of the US and be officially recognized for contributing some of this country’s best cultural assets.

Femmebot 4.0: For example: Despacito. It’s the #1 watched YouTube video on the planet.