Week 4 of Brahmacharya
What is romance? Why do we choose one special person above all others to be our romantic mate? My MAN said he doesn’t believe romance can survive over time. It seems for him that it lasts until he meets someone new. He hasn’t met someone new yet so he continues to call me. He seems interested in maintaining our connection. He and I are connected on a different level from me and my writers. If I were to measure these connections by chakra, I would say we meet each other on:
Red
Orange
Yellow
Green
Purple
White
I skipped blue because we express our truths differently. He paints/draws and relies less on words. I write and make music videos, which rely more on words.
God, I like this match. I believe in it. I believe in my MAN. I pray that you will guide both of us while we traverse our separate paths. We are single people who cross each other’s paths when the time is right. This means we do not need to live on top of each other 24-7. How can I remember this? How can this console me when I feel frantic for his attention?
I drew a reminder next to my 2010 flower power chakra diagram.
Ok, so back to my MAN vs. my writers. “Freedom Fighter” is one in particular who understands my neuroses. He can read to me over the phone and I become an instant listener. He speaks my language. I do not interpret this connection as romantic even though he is a man and I am a woman. There is no sexual chemistry between us. He is a different soul mate.
God, I want to stop feeling jealous about my MAN’s new friendships with other women. I know that I could cope better if I stopped clicking on the photos of each woman he connects with on Facebook. This is not classy. I am ashamed of myself. I shouldn’t be such a stalker. How can I stop?
Do I disconnect from Facebook? No.
Take a break from FB? I am distracting myself from work I could be doing? What work? I want to stay connected with my friends. But maybe I just need to disconnect in order to regain my sense of self?