The News on Monday, Jan. 5: South Beach Comedy Festival Try-Outs



Check out Marga Gomez at the Colony Theatre Wednesday, Jan. 21, 2009 @ 7:30pm



Will there be another comedy depression? We don’t think so…but it happened back in the 1940s!

by Chakra Girl

The 4th Annual South Beach Comedy Festival teamed up with the IMPROV Comedy Club to find the funniest talent in South Florida at the Festival’s open call.

78 people showed to tryout and they closed up shop at 5:15, right about the time I arrived. I knew it was late, but I really wanted to be prepared, and now that I am flowing on my own T-I-M-E, I decided I would go when I was good and ready.

Turns out I was supposed to met Patty Rua, who arrived at the same time. She was quite miffed that they closed the tryouts early (they were supposed to go until 6pm). But we were both wearing black and white, and I realized I was just about to find a like-minded person. Yeah!

So we performed for each other outside of the Improv Comedy Club. It was great practice! I forgot a lot of my lines and made lots of mistakes, but I was glad that I got to perform for one person who showed up for the same reason I did – to grow her metaphysical BALLS.

Listen or read below….

Hello, this is Chakra Girl reporting live from the Improv Comedy Club in Coconut Grove, Fla. It’s red chakra Monday, January 5, 2009 and this is your third EyeWitness News. We sense it first, invest in it, flip it and you hear about it afterwards. But first, let’s hear a few words from our sponsors…

Boys have been staring at my chest since I was 9 years old, and I wasn’t sure what to do. So I went to my doctor for help. He said I wasn’t alone. He has treated thousands of other patients just like me. The surgery only took an hour and I love my new laserbeam eyeball implants. Now when I am giving a presentation in the boardroom, I can blast anyone who’s not paying attention.
Welcome back to TheMultiD. Our top story from the sixth sense news wire comes from Bangalore, India, where white hat computer programmers and call center operators are busy studying the imperialistic tactics of Western economies. Coupled with the proliferation of yoga studios from sea to shining sea, it’s only a matter of time that the rupee will soon surpass the value of the dollar.

While suburban soccer moms and urban metrosexuals alike think they are chanting a series of sanskrit words to make them feel like their to-do lists are manageable –

“Vande gurunam, chare nare vinde…sandar sita, svatma sukava bode…nishreasay….jungalie kamana…samsara, hala hala oha shantie…”

they are actually ordering a Pepsi Mocaccino with a side of channa masala.

In financial news: Our brains are mimicking the concept of hyperlinking and we can no longer finish a thought before a new one is grabbing hold and…

In higher education news: Michigan State University provides student names and contact information to Bank of America in exchange for $8 million a year so that professors can teach students how to work for corporations. Michigan State will just change its name to Bank of America University…kind of like the American Airlines arena.

In Angel Investing news, If you are a woman with a great idea, better beware of those private equity B-O-Ys, who consider the opposite sex to be just another distribution platform for their high-tech gadget investments. Or, better yet, going the traditional route, ala Madonna, Marilyn, Rita Hayworth, et al.

In Yoga news: Do you ever stop talking?

In Real Estate & LAND news, watch the weather channel. If a category 5 hurricane hits the city of Miami, perhaps we finally stand a chance of becoming more Eco, nevermind all these so-called LEED certified concrete and steel monstrosities.

In Feminist news: Women with ambitions of any type other than domestic are doomed to misery and cruelty.

In Art news: Is art still art if it’s funded by a corporation? I thought that was called advertising.

In Sci Fi news: U.S. Census Bureau statistics show Latinas are starting their own businesses at six times the national average. The most dramatic growth has occurred in the border states of Arizona, California, New Mexico and Texas, the center said, but throughout the nation, Latinas own businesses in just about every sector, except for Miami, where Latinas are still predominately served on table tops with fresh sushi.

This is Chakra Girl reporting live for TheMultiD.

Remember that ignorance is expensive and keep candles and matches in the kitchen and bedroom in case of power failure.

Amen. Namaste. Ciao.

Finals take place on Wed., Jan. 7, at the IMPROV.

WSVN/Channel 7’s Deco Drive are filming the finals and will air segments on Deco Jan. 12 -16 for viewers to cast their vote for their favorite comedian.

Winner will be announced on Deco Drive Jan. 20th, 2009.

This Contest’s top talent will perform on the Festival’s Lincoln Road Stage during the 4th Annual
South Beach Comedy Festival, Jan. 21-24, 2009.

The South Beach Comedy Festival thanks sponsors Deco Drive & IMPROV.