Practicing Independence From Co-Dependence

Week 2 of Post-Brahmacharya

I have spent the weekend meditating and writing at my friend’s house in Alexandria. I escaped the city on Friday – literally. I had all the B-O-Yz hollerin at the same time and I had to beat them off like they were a pack of dogs.

This shit could get to my head. I don’t want to be all about it. I needed to get down to earth. Be by myself. Look at trees. Run around with my friend’s dogs. Draw. Bake cupcakes. Absorb pure family energy before returning to the gritty grime of the city.

And here I am, waiting for the metro, tweaking out to grime while text typing. Back on fast forward.

I know I have to live in the city. It’s easier to meet characters.

Having a hard time re- entering so-called reality this morning. Gotta check on the insurance for my condo. I hope these knuckleheads have taken care of it. Gotta call to follow up. But all I can think about is my legs and my head. My legs wanna stretch so bad. Need yoga. Haven’t been doing it as much. Maybe I will do it everyday this week. Yes. That’s what I will do.

My head feels heavy. And my mouth is dry. Need more fluids. Heat + concrete = parched mouth.

Dear God, thank you for this day. Thank you for my life. Even though I complain, I am grateful for all the blessings you have given me. I know that having a job right now is a blessing and yet I keep rebelling. I don’t want to lose myself in the job, the same way I lose myself in relationships. I want to keep working on my art. The quality is pretty bad lately. I feel like I am forcing it. But maybe the quality has always been bad. I didn’t get into grad school because I haven’t worked enough on the story. Need to start reading more classics. If I am going to stay here, I need to get my books. Or maybe I will create a new book collection.

It’s an unnecessarily emotional day.

Left work. Went back to bed. Safer there while my emotions are still watery. A colleague from Miami called because he wants me to do freelance work. I said I was too busy and that I would refer him to someone from my writers group. This felt good. But when he emailed that he wouldn’t find someone better than me, I responded with a request for a part-time job. Life would be much less stressful working there and living in my own condo. He said I could work on commission. Bah!

At the same time I re-posted my home in Miami on Craigslist and added info about the neighborhood, kinda like they do on the DC listings.

Will I get bites this time? Are students looking now?

Searched DC Craigslist for apartments in my price range and nothing compares to the luxury loft. So I either move in there or I go back to MIA. Yah!

I walked to Best Buy to get new printer ink.

One thing at a time. I flow I roll I don’t need to stress. I am focusing on home, work and my personal power NOW. No boys to distract.

When I get home I will read the energy book and some pages of the web managing book. I will be able to handle the emails from work tonight.

I signed up for 4 yoga classes this week.

So after a day of being the superstar web manager I am sitting in front of whole foods waiting for mr patent lawyer who is totally playing my own game on me. He is making me wait and I don’t give a shit. He could never turn up and I would be OK going home and eating the pasta salad I made last night.

But he’ll show up. He wants me to make rice and beans. So I’m gonna. In high heels. With my on-the-go playlist booming reggaeton. He’s getting the 8th street Latina full on but surprise…I’m going to leave him without satisfaction. Why? Cuz Latinas are bitches.

And thus, I was successful in my mission. Seems that my period is my best weapon.