Week 21 of Brahmacharya
Over the holiday weekend, my soul mate and I worked on a project together.
We put the “Love Economy” into practice.
All this time I thought the end of the story was going to be my birthday. But then my soul mate reminded me that I should stop focusing on endings. When you are reading a good story you don’t want it to end, he said. It’s like he gave me permission to open up to possibilities I hadn’t considered…or rather he reminded me that part of the fun is discovering surprises along the journey.
But the ending happened sooner with the impact of Independence Day. I tried to break my connection to my soul mate by sleeping with two different men: The Brazilian and The Patent lawyer.
I should have been attracted to The Brazilian. He is the exotic type with ambitions to save the world from climate change. But I wasn’t. Without the swooning attraction I feel for my soul mate, he seemed to be the perfect candidate for my orange chakra sex. I knew I wouldn’t get attached. But apparently there were other reasons I wouldn’t get attached, namely, he was an awful lover. Totally broke the stereotype of Brazilian lover.
When I left his beautiful apartment that I wanted for my own, I felt like it was just a dream and never happened. I felt nothing, actually. All I wanted to do was get home and work with my soul mate on the project. And so, I did.
The next day, I met up with The Patent Lawyer, and subsequently slept with him. He was hairy and soft in the middle and completely obsessed after drinking champagne and angel cake. But at least he was a better lover than the Brazilian. I felt no shame or guilt when I got home. I didn’t feel distracted. I felt balanced and focused.
For the first time, I didn’t get swept away by the distractions and a potential “happily ever after” ending with a B-O-Y. Brahmicharya had been an effective practice, after all.
More than ever, I am in love with my soul mate. Despite time and space separating us, I know we don’t have to be married, procreating, and paying a mortgage together to express our love. I know that I am the only one in charge of my own happiness, which is apparently more complex than being married with children in a house owned by a bank. It is hard trying to figure out the formula for happiness beyond this tried and true result of many generations, but no one said it would be easy.
Probably the most difficult is practicing ethics. The Patent Lawyer keeps calling for a follow up.
But I’ve gotta keep my feet rooted down. Safety. Reality. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Is this is how my soul mate feels about me?
I just love laying here in bed writing, not worried about work or paying bills because I have been responsible. When I am in Miami, all I want to do is write. And I let my finances go completely out of control. It’s hard to also be left brain responsible. My soul mate is able to switch when he needs to. He has had lots of practice. He called me a “dummy” while we were working on the project, and it felt like a stab in the heart. I paused for a while and didn’t write anything back. When he continued chatting, I wrote, “Don’t be mean.”
Since then, he has been much nicer. He has a guilty conscience. Obviously he has been accused of being an asshole by women. I haven’t ever raised my voice with him or called him names because I have utmost respect for him. I won’t fight fire with fire. I will be gentle while defending myself. I won’t become a witch. I am love and light. It’s funny because he thinks I am too mellow in business and yet, here I am doing things my way, and being successful. I am using my heart and love to guide me rather than ego and fear.
I am the Miami Yogi. And I will continue to be so.