Week 5 Post-Brahmacharya
My last week in the apartment with my great roommate. Who knows how often I will see her after I move out? She became my first friend in DC. I want to buy her a spa gift. Something special since she works so hard and doesn’t get a lot of credit or recognition.
I got plenty of rest and relaxation this weekend. Sex, massage, political and artistic inspiration from the German, help from my mentor as I make my next transition into my own apartment. I am excited about living there over the next nine months. I will buy my own furniture. A bed will be first. Platform? Canopy? I would like it to make me feel like a princess. Lots of fluffiness and pillows. A touch screen TV.
All this will cost money and I have to pace myself especially since I still have some debt left to pay. I don’t want to start building debt again! I want to be able to pay everything off every month.
I am renting a jeep to drive down the Pacific Coast Highway for my birthday. One night in a B&B to meditate on my 35th birthday.
35! Where did all the time go? I have traveled so much and have met so many amazing people. I have learned a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. I never thought I would end up in DC. Sometimes I think I am like Tracy Flick from Election. So ambitious that I am incapable of loving and caring for others. But I guess I am just thinking in hyperbole. I am not Tracy Flick. I have also been a pushover and passive aggressive. I am making my own dreams come true now that I know this is not a man’s job.
But what about that? Am I content with having multiple lovers? It’s very educational and exciting now, but what are the consequences? I don’t want to get pregnant. I don’t want to catch an STD. And yet I keep sleeping with boys as if these 2 major life-altering consequences don’t factor into the equation.
I tried to choose one boy. I gave him everything I had. And he rejected me. I was sad for almost half a year because of him. I don’t ever want anyone to be in control of my emotions again.
The lawyer has become a bit of a stalker but he is manageable. If he calls, we will go to dinner near my house, not his. And then I will send him home. I have to practice asserting my power.