Future News: Coronavirus Has Been Canceled

Welcome to the Future News. I’m Chakra Girl reporting live from the Future in Techlando on January 18, 2022.

In our top Biz Buzzzzzz, President Biden’s strategy to vaccinate most Americans has finally come to fruition and the coronavirus has been canceled.

We interrupt this ridiculously optimistic Future Buzz with Reality. I’m Dr. Nutmeg, representing the FACTory’s dark side, and despite little miss bright Chakra Girl’s happy news, almost 50 percent of Americans have refused to get the vaccine and accept the results of the 2020 presidential election. This means half the population has been vaccinated and the other half is brainwashed by conspiracy theories. Here to provide colorful commentary are The Femmebots.

Femmebot 1.0: #Waaaaa! Does this mean we have to postpone our wedding again?
Femmebot 2.0: Ay, por favor, don’t tell me we have been doing triathlons and 3 hours of @TheYogatards videos per day for nothing! The fotos, gente!!! We gotta take those fotos before we get fat and our hair turns white!!!
Femmebot 3.0: Who the F cares about a wedding or coronavirus? We’ve been in full-on civil war for a year now!
Femmebot 4.0: Good thing we created our own private Femmebot chat with our partners CareerTias.org so our conversations don’t get monetized.
Femmebot 5.0: I have an amazing playlist for the wedding reception.
Femmebot 6.0: Our mentor Hazel Henderson DID say the 2020s would be a great transformation for society. And with great transformation comes great hardships and pain.

Chakra Girl: Hmmm. OK. Thanks for joining all of us @TheFutureNews. Tune in next time when we talk to Latinastepmom.org about DIY home renovations.