Welcome to The Fake News where The Femmebots are wondering how to get people, aka humans, to respect your time.
I’m Femmebot 2.0 reporting en vivo from Planet MyAmi and you know what I’m sick of? Humans who waste my precious T-I-M-E.
Femmebot 1. 0: Why do you spell out the word time?
Femmebot 2.0: For emphasis. You know how humans say, “Do I need to spell it out for you, pendejoooooo???”
Femmebot 1.0: What if the human you’re talking to can’t spell?
Femmebot 2.0: Ay pues, then he or she is on his or her way to becoming P-R-E-S-I….wait, that’s a really long word to spell out. I think I prefer to stick to the F-O-U-R letter words, sabes?
Femmebot 3.0: We interrupt this rant with a listicle. That’s right: 8 ways to make humans – who think the world revolves around them – respect your T-I-M-E. Whether you’re a CEO at a startup company with minions who aren’t as smart as you, a mom with too many kids who have too many demands, or a robot with extremely pointy human clients, we got 11 ways you can force everyBot into respecting your T-I-M-E:
- Tell em to F-U-C-K off!
- If they’re a kid or a client, and you can’t follow #1, ignore them, go eat a peanut butter sandwich and listen to a couple YouTube meditations. My personal favs for a Tuesday are “Sacral Chakra Healing Guided Meditation” and Daddy Yankee’s “Shaky Shaky.”
- After following #2, keep ignoring whoever is disrespecting your T-I-M-E, and swipe left on a dating app until you feel less edgy. Ahh, feels so good to reject human after human.
- After following #1, #2 and #3, work on a passion project that makes you happy until you’ve forgotten who was disrespecting you.
- Sext a BroBot until you laugh so hard, you don’t know why you need so much respect from anybot in the Virtual Reality world.
- Call someone else and ask how he or she is feeling. Maybe their day is going worse than yours. “Oh, your friend is dying of a terminal illness? Pft. You think that’s bad? You wouldn’t believe who had the gall to disrespect me today.”
- Call someone that is kind of related to the human who disrespected you and get them to support you even if deep down you wonder if you should just take responsibility for missing a deadline.
- Do the work you were supposed to do once you’re done with 1-7, but leave a few things missing so this disrespectful human knows not to leave shit to the last minute again.
And that, my friends is how to get people to respect your time.