I am mobile. I have flexibility. I have no debt. I have love. I am love. I have enough money to travel. I have a good relationship with my man, my friends and my family. I am happy. I am creating art. I am helping people. I am living with my man. We are married. We are supportive of each other. Our relationship gets better with time because we are patient with each other and give each other space to move and grow. Our sexual relationship deepens over time. I generate income by…what?
I am putting most of my energy into 3 projects This is my family right now. I need to transition from these organizations to humans.
My full-time job gets its money from grants. It is a non-profit.
Client #1 gets its money from the owner’s personal investments. It’s her own private endeavor. Someday she may go public. I should have shares. I don’t have the time necessary to make updates as quickly and efficiently as I want. I would like to hire a woman in Miami to take over.
Client #2 gets its money from booking musicians at clubs.
The plan was to work for the non-profit for 6 months and then go back to Miami to continue building my company. I didn’t stick with that plan because I haven’t finished paying my debt and I don’t have a new plan.
Maybe I should start paying for the apartment here in DC from my business account? Why? Because it is a satellite office space for my company until May 2011. The apartment in Miami is homestead. Or is it the other way around?
Yes, it’s the other way around. The Brain in Miami is the home of my company. I will start paying my mortgage from my business account?
No. To make it legit I have to move money from business to personal to pay the mortgage.
I paid for the Party Room for Halloween with my company funds. Why? Because it was an event I am writing about.
After thinking all morning and reviewing my story since Feb 2009, I remember my plan. And I remember my patterns.
I had an amazing day yesterday because I started it with yoga and meditation. Going to work wasn’t the main event. I felt calm and peaceful. I was aware all day. I was focused on my tasks at work. Talking to my co-workers face-to-face before going to the computer. Creating a more user friendly experience on the Internet. Discovering a new place to eat lunch and eating in front of the white house while sending love texts to my friend’s wife who is stuck in a hospital bed until she gives birth to twin boys. And texts of encouragement to the Argentine who seems to be looking for work now. Apparently his time of working for free is ending and he needs to get paid. Sending texts to my mentor to see if she would cook some good Puerto Rican food for the Halloween Housewarming party.
I am supposed to be here. But I am filled with melancholy. My home feels so empty. Perhaps next weekend when friends from my past fill it up, I might feel more whole. I want my planetary citizen’s arms around me every night, telling me he loves and adores me. I get it. I have to love and adore myself. And I do. I am a great person. I have learned how to balance myself and manage my emotions in all kinds of situations on a regular basis…consistently. I am open to love and people. But something is missing. I miss the love and warmth and food of my family. I think I need to create this for myself. It’s hard work. But I am ready. I need plates.
I head to Virginia to see my friend’s wife, who is on bedrest until December. She is pregnant with twin boys and if she moves she could go into premature labor. So she is confined to laying on her left side, but she is not a happy Buddah. She is like me – never happy. Never satisfied. Always wanting something else, always looking for the next fix.
How did we become this way? I have a giant window with a view of the Capitol of Power beneath me. Am I happy? No. Did I think this apartment would make me happy? No.
I am here by default. I didn’t assert myself at work. They said no when I asked to be a virtual gypsy. So I said I would stay. I am learning everything I need to know about properly managing a web site. This is good. This makes sense for my life path. That’s why I am here. But I can’t just focus on work. I need love and a home when I am not working so that I feel stable and balanced.
“You may not have a great big Cadillac…just be thankful for what you got…”
I am thankful for everything I have in my life. A place to live that inspires my art, a bed to sleep on that is comfortable and warm, food to cook, a job, friends around the world, a family that loves me. I may not have a man or children, but I do have other things. I do not want to miss what I don’t have. I would like to attract these two things into my life, just like I attracted work…with patience and a positive attitude. I can’t be emotional about it – takes up too much energy.
I prefer it over suburbs because it’s more exciting. There are more characters to meet…more things to do than watching TV.
I love riding public transportation…I love my freedom to do everything I want to do. I can make art. I can walk around and always find some inspiration. I want to be in this story 100%. I want to be completely fulfilled in it rather than wondering if I am trying to be something I am not. I may have grown up in the suburbs, but I was never content there. I always wanted to live in the city. And now I do. I am blessed, God. I am so lucky. I am a working artist in Washington, DC.
After this party is over I am applying to three schools: Pratt, American University and FIU.
Why? To refine my art of storytelling.