Who Will Help Me Break My Celibacy?

Week 20 of Brahmacharya

My soul mate decided not to spend my birthday with me. He has to shoot a wedding. How ironic? He is clearly not interested in pursuing anything with me right now. Fine. Do I stop living? No. How do I spend my birthday?

I can do anything I want!! And I am supposed to celebrate by breaking my celibacy. With who? Someone new?

Apparently it doesn’t work this way. The more I try to think of a replacement, the more I feel like a loser.

And yet, I am truly a corporate yogi now. I am making a difference by being the change inside the places where the powers that be manipulate all the strings that affect Americans’ daily life.

It seems like bullshit. And sad. I am using my precious moments in life to work for a cause that won’t make a difference. Nothing matters anymore. My life doesn’t matter. The one I love has no love for me. He is my business partner right now. We are working on a project together.  I talked to my soul mate a lot this week but it was all for work. He said he was short on cash so I offered him work. It’s a win-win all the way. I am not giving more than I am receiving. My soul mate is a good investment…as an entrepreneur, not a husband. I am investing in him because he is smart and talented and can make lots of money. He is my red chakra lover. Where do I come up with this shit?

Does this mean I am now looking for my orange chakra lover? My boy toy? The one I just enjoy sex with and don’t get attached to? Or maybe we just kiss. No sex. Who is he?