Based on the events of this week, and perhaps all the events of my life, I am unsure about whether I am too self-centered or so accommodating to others I cease to exist. How is it possible that I could be both of these extremes at the same time? Is it possible that I switch, depending on the situations? Yes. If I am to break free of black and white thinking, this must be the answer.
“Stop putting yourself first and everything else you’re seeking falls into place,” suggests an anonymous comment on a forum about ways to be less egotistical.
But if I don’t put myself first, how am I to help others? This is confusing advice to me, especially when I am also advised that if I don’t put myself first, neither will others.
“Go to an NGO to help out,” is supposedly another remedy.
I work at an NGO. I am not particularly interested in the mission. I am there for a steady paycheck that supports my lifestyle as a creative party girl filmmaker. But I am also there to practice good teamwork. I will gladly step aside to give my teammates a chance to do the work they want to do, even if it is work that I also enjoy. This, to me, is a more tangible way of making the world a better place, because lord knows, in Washington, DC, well-intentioned NGOs often do nothing to help anyone out.
“Every one is Self-Centered, the difference is the Radius!” states another.
I think this one is closest to the truth.
And it is the reason I have joined the Cult of Hoop.
The Hoop is a metaphor for the radius.
Inside my hoop, I hold myself and my values and my health and my heart, my dreams, my identity – all that is ME is protected inside my hoop, and only those who can see this ME, and respect this ME, are allowed inside. As you can imagine, I think this means I can only fit 1 other person inside, 3 tops.
Everyone else is outside the hoop, orbiting in concentric circles. The further away, the lower the priority.
However, as the quote suggests, the bigger my heart and soul and energy, the more I can be of service to those farther out…and again – not ALL of the time, just when I turn my love light on.